How to talk to children about a parent’s serious illness

Children have the capacity to be strong and resilient, especially in the face of adverse situations such as a serious illness like cancer. While a parent’s first instinct is to shield their children from these complexities, studies have found that it’s better to explain these situations to them in a way that they can fully comprehend. In an effort to lessen the negative effects on children, many families are focusing on preventive interventions such as mindfulness for the youth or even just open and honest communication. Here's what you need to know when talking to your children about medical care, especially in the case of a serious illness.

The effects of serious illness on children
Truthfully, you won’t be able to hide a serious illness from your children. Even without directly addressing it, they will notice changes in your behaviour due to the symptoms of the illness as well as when dealing with the burden of medical expenses. Children will likely notice if one parent is spending more time in the hospital and another parent is working much more in order to pay for medical treatments. Though it might be painful to do so, parents should talk to their children about their condition. The more they know about the nature of your illness, the more they will be able to react and cope appropriately.

Consider your child’s age and maturity
Talking to your child about a serious illness will largely depend on their age and maturity level. Younger children will not be able to understand medical diagnoses such as cancers and other complex terms like serious illness insurance cover. Rather, you need to tap into their perceptions about illness and use that as a starting point. You might also want to relate it to their storybooks or favourite television programs so that they will better understand the situation. When dealing with older children, you still need to tread carefully. Just because they understand the words related to the illness doesn’t mean you should talk to them like you would with an adult.

Aim to have an objective approach
Discussing your illness with your children will be hard, and it’s understandable that you will be emotional throughout this whole ordeal. However, as much as possible, you should try to be more objective in explaining the serious illness. Make sure to delve into the nature and stage of your condition as well as what changes the children can expect moving forward. You should also expect that your children might feel sad or distressed upon hearing the news. If you need additional support, don’t hesitate to enlist the help of a healthcare professional when talking to your child about a serious illness.

Open lines for communication
After you're done explaining the serious illness to your children, make sure to open lines for communication. Allow them to express their thoughts, feelings and concerns about the situation. Encourage them to ask questions and try to answer them as truthfully and sensitively as possible. Some children will also ask about death so it would be good to have a prepared response instead of avoiding the question.

Even when dealing with a serious illness, a parent’s main concern will still be the welfare of his or her children. Though you might want to protect them from the gravity of the situation, non-disclosure of the illness might not be the best - especially since children are very receptive and will notice changes in your behaviour and their daily lives. Open communication is still key and we’ve outlined important aspects to consider when talking to a child about his or her parent’s serious illness.